Daily Cow

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2008

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2007

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
Sep 1st
“What is this compulsion to have people over at your house...”
— Larry David
Sep 1st
zoee: New illustration, inspired by this quote: “What...
Sep 1st
sixbucks: snuh: urone: Ces animaux amusants (47...
Sep 1st
“Matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, We...”
— Bill Hicks (via poortaste)
Sep 1st
Sep 1st
Blow it out your ass!
Sep 1st
Or sooner???
Sep 1st

Bad Joke #2

How can you tell when you’ve passed an elephant? The toilet gets clogged.
Sep 1st
Sep 1st

Bad Joke

A man in a massage parlor asked, “How much does it cost to massage the genitals? The madam...
Sep 1st
Sep 1st

You Know It's Going to Be A Bad Day...

1. You wake up face down on the pavement. 2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits...
Sep 1st
Green Acres is the place to be. My favorite TV show of all...
Sep 1st

Books Read August 2009

Naked - David Sedaris (291 pages) Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris (272 pages) Dress Your...
Sep 1st
Aug 31st

The Golden Sombrero

The Golden Sombrero is a game in which a single player strikes out four times. It is a dubious...
Aug 31st
nevver: *FILE Twitter is the new AOL and yes it...
Aug 31st
Yoko eats Ringo…
Aug 31st

I Licked The Bowl Clean. Now I'm Going...

Aug 31st
Aug 31st
“It was a very tragic accident that deeply affected the...”
— Andrew Malcolm On Laura Bush...
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
“Artists are just children who refuse to put down their...”
— Al Hirschfeld
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
“Everyone says how Calvin and Hobbes is about a real kid, to...”
— Bill Griffith
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
“Despite what they tell you, there are simply no moral...”
— Berkeley Breathed
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
“There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die,...”
— Sam Kinison
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
Aug 31st
Listen Listen
Neil Young - Silver N’ Gold
Aug 31st
Aug 30th
“Children suffer most. Diarrhea-nearly 90 percent of which is...”
— Rose George/The Big Necessity
Aug 30th
Aug 30th

2.6 Billion People Don't Have Sanitation

There are 2.6 billion people who don’t have sanitation. I don’t mean they have no toilet...
Aug 30th
Listen Listen
Kinks - Don’t Forget To Dance
Aug 30th
Aug 30th
Click on photo to enlarge (but you knew that already, I...
Aug 30th
Aug 30th
Aug 30th

A Raise, No Way

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I...
Aug 30th
I wonder where they keep their stash?
Aug 30th

The evidence from Portugal since 2001 is...

Aug 30th
Aug 29th

X Prez's Chat It Up

Clinton: "Hey George, I've got a bottle of Jack back in my room. You got any blow?"
Bush: "Heh, heh. Does a bear shiat in the woods?"
Aug 29th
Aug 29th

Scientists baffled as suicidal cows...

In the picturesque Swiss village of Lauterbrunnen, the locals are worried. Dozens of alpine cows...
Aug 29th
I’m here for the Mets playoff tickets…
Aug 29th

Mets Doctors Are Sick

Who is the Mets team physician? Dr. Vinny Boombatz? What, it takes all season to figure out...
Aug 29th
Aug 29th
Aug 29th
Aug 29th
Aug 29th

A Toast To The Wife

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, ‘Here’s to spending the rest of me life!,...
Aug 29th
The Last Caturday In August (good movie title). Treat your...
Aug 29th
Aug 29th
Listen Listen
ELO - Telephone Line
Aug 29th
“That will do.”
— My Mother
Aug 29th
Aug 29th

RENAULT & FORD TO MERGE

Renault & Ford are working together to build a small car. They are using the Renault Clio &...
Aug 29th
Aug 29th

Three Minute Man

She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the...
Aug 29th
Aug 29th
“The blues comes right back to a person’s feelings, to...”
— Jimmy Rushing
Aug 29th
Aug 28th
Aug 28th

The Best Engine

A notable gynaecologist once said, The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started...
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Mel Brooks Starts Nonprofit Foundation To...
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
“I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and...”
— DH Lawrence
Aug 28th
Aug 28th

YOU'RE A REDNECK WHEN...

You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. The Blue Book...
Aug 28th
No school today it’s raining outside…
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Listen Listen
Tubes - She’s A Beauty
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Better not CROSS MY PATH, sharkie baby…
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
On the prowl for sand sharks…
Aug 28th
The Great Shark Hunt is about to begin!
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
That’s Maggie Mae. All the guys call her...
Aug 28th
The high seas are safe again. Sharks all gone…
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Let’s play Shark. I’ll be your dorsal fin! ...
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
Diamond The Cat will walk outside tomorrow if Danny is cool...
Aug 28th

Ok let's remember all the epic cats of...

nayomiesucks: just-an-urban-outfitter: katie-w: heyyokraus: Tigger is a cat. Simba is a...
Aug 28th
Aug 28th

The iTit

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high...
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
“The outer space beings are my brothers. They sent me here....”
— Sun Ra
Aug 28th
Aug 28th
“I never practice guitar… from time to time, I just...”
— Wes Montgomery
Aug 28th
Aug 27th

FUCK GOSSIP GIRL

erinspence: jesus christ how do people watch shit like that I can’t sit through things like...
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“The dog is not bored, it’s a fucking dog. It’s...”
— shitmydadsays
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“A new memo from the CIA has surfaced outlining approved...”
— David Letterman
Aug 27th
CLUB INTERCOURSE No dues… No Fees… Just Come.
Aug 27th
Aug 27th

Dirty Work

Bearded Lady: Hey, baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?
Mitch: Can't say that I have there, bearded broad.
Bearded Lady: Well, then, sugar, you haven't lived.
Mitch: Note to self: I don't want to live.
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“The suspicion dawned that Outer Space might be—dare one say...”
— JG Ballard (via...
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“There is the pleasurable orgasm, like a rising sales graph,...”
— William S. Burroughs
Aug 27th
The infamous “G” spoot (err, spot).
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
Aug 27th

SOMETHING GOOD

I remember something good back when days unfolded like a grand adventure should. I don’t want...
Aug 27th
What is Stephen hawking now?
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“Multinational corporations do control. They control the...”
— Jerry Brown
Aug 27th
9gag: All Hands on Deck Shuffle off to Buffalo…
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“Art is the production of objects for consumption, to be used...”
— Eugenio Montale
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“A Big Mac - the communion wafer of consumption.”
— John Ralston Saul
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
Listen Listen
John Mellencamp - Rain On The Scarecrow
Aug 27th
Aug 27th
“Go ahead and play the blues if it’ll make you happy.”
— Dan Castellaneta
Aug 27th
Aug 26th
Is Viagra kosher for passover? Whoopi Goldberg: Not if it leads to pork.
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“Tom, thank you for letting me sit next to the lovely Kathie...”
— Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog
Aug 26th
My daughter Jessica. She bowls me over every day of my...
Aug 26th
My Florida family. How I miss them!
Aug 26th
My grandaughter Jennifer (age 10) bowling…
Aug 26th
My grandson Jean Carlo David at the beach. He just turned...
Aug 26th
amyyy: Yesterday Beautiful!
Aug 26th
theduty: YEAH. Why I never!
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Two Cunts In A Camry...

Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Hollywood Squares 2

Peter Marshall: What made the monkey cry?
Paul Lynde: Learning that Tarzan swings both ways.
Peter Marshall: In the early days of Hollywood, who was usually found atop Tony The Wonder Horse?
Paul Lynde: Oh, My Friend Flicka.
Peter Marshall: Pride, anger, covetousness, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth are collectively known as what?
Paul Lynde: The Bill Of Rights.
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Hollywood Squares

Peter Marshall: What are "dual-purpose cattle" good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies.
Peter Marshall: Your sheep has a temperature of 102. Is she normal?
Burt Reynolds: People think I'm not normal because I keep taking her temperature.
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Women Arrested For Spraying Smoker With...

NICEVILLE — An officer responded to Kelly Road in Niceville on Aug. 21 at an apartment complex where...
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“But hey, when you live in Watts, you need a little smack to...”
— Jerry Garcia
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“Health food makes me sick.”
— Calvin Trillin
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“I find that because of modern technological evolution and...”
— Dali Lama
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“You can stop splitting the atom; you can stop visiting the...”
— Erwin Chargaff
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to...”
— Dave Barry
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”
— Steven Wright
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
“I certainly don’t want a child of mine to be famous,...”
— Elizabeth Hurley
Aug 26th
Aug 26th
Listen Listen
Kinks - Powerman
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Fluids In Bed

While bringing his wife Sudafed She grabbed for his penis instead “Dear, put down that prick!” She...
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

Meat Mafia

*A cranky band of prankster peace warriors who absolutely cannot resist messing with each...
Aug 26th
Baby, You Can Drive My Car…
Aug 26th

Honk If Your Horn Doesn't Work...

Aug 26th
Aug 26th
theduty: (via livesophia) …sorry. and then it runs just...
Aug 26th
Aug 26th

The House I Grew Up In Is Now A...

Aug 26th
Aug 25th
“Don’t threaten me with love, baby. Let’s just go...”
— Billie Holiday
Aug 25th
Red Skelton
Aug 25th
Lorne Green
Aug 25th

And I've been walking 'round with...

Aug 25th
morallymisguided: peixebanana: ...
Aug 25th
theduty: in these trying times… dailycow.tumblr.com I wear...
Aug 25th
JFK & MM doing it…
Aug 25th
Top Ten Signs President Obama Needs a Vacation 10. Last week’s radio address was 10 minutes...
Aug 25th
PosTits on Tuesday…
Aug 25th
Titty Tuesday Twofer…
Aug 25th
It’s Titty Tuesday…
Aug 25th
Aug 25th

Farmers issue warning after fatal cow...

LONDON (Reuters) – The deaths of no fewer than four people after being trampled by cows in the past...
Aug 25th
Holy typewriter, Batman…
Aug 25th
“Books, I found, had the power to make time stand still,...”
— Jim Bishop,
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a...”
— Anais Nin,
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“What usually happens in the educational process is that the...”
— Richard Buckminster Fuller
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a...”
— Rodney Dangerfield
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is...”
— A. Whitney Brown
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said,...”
— Jay Leno
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
peetypassion: Piracy is NOT theft, It’s Piracy… via Oh,...
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
Listen Listen
Traffic - Paper Sun
Aug 25th
Aug 25th

Pleasure Is A Mental State

A college professor is explaining to his class that pleasure is a mental state, and that many people...
Aug 25th
Cats can nap on pool tables…
Aug 25th
Read any good books lately?
Aug 25th
tomoatmeal: Suddenly, the really important sales conference...
Aug 25th
(via retrozone) Lotion goes where?
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a...”
— George Carlin
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“After you die, your “stuff” becomes your...”
— George Carlin
Aug 25th
Better take of those “red” panties, Clara…
Aug 25th
Jimi says “Foxy Ladies.”
Aug 25th
Cats Have tumblr's
Aug 25th
Aug 25th
“The energy you use to read this sentence is powered,...”
— K.C. Cole
Aug 25th
Aug 25th

Cut Off Their Heads

Arnold Bennett visited Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw in his apartment and, knowing his...
Aug 25th
Chairman Meow… your shark guts belong to me…
Aug 25th
“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how...”
— Steven Wright
Aug 25th
Cats have been in space and to the moon… A shark...
Aug 24th
Cats - longest running play on Broadway. Jaws - crappy movie...
Aug 24th
Ever try to “snuggle” with a shark. Cats are a...
Aug 24th
“You know, Stephen King says, in the movies no one ever goes...”
— Lawrence Kasdan
Aug 24th
I tumbled with this last night…
Aug 24th

How the fuck do you throw away a...

Seriously. I’ve tried: Putting it out on the curb empty. Putting it out on the curb empty with...
Aug 24th
Aug 24th

Computer Eleanor Rigby

Eleanor Rigby Sits at the keyboard And waits for a line on the screen Lives in a dream Waits for a...
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
There was a young lady of Spain Whose face was excessively plain But her cunt had a pucker That made...
Aug 24th
Aug 24th

You sound reasonable…Time to up my...

Aug 24th
Aug 24th
“Education is what survives when what has been learned has...”
— BF Skinner
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
“My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and...”
— Edith Sitwell
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
Aug 24th

Back On The Clock

Oh yeah. After 43 days of vacation it’s back to work (as Zappa once said: Be A Jerk, Go To...
Aug 24th
Listen Listen
Doors - Waiting For The Sun
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
“Like when I’m in the bathroom looking at my toilet...”
— Alicia Silverstone
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
“Unknown to many people at the time, Moon was often able to...”
— wikipedia article on The Who....
Aug 24th
(via topherchris) dailycow.tumblr.com I was about to go...
Aug 24th
theduty: …oh how i long for simpler...
Aug 24th
Aug 24th
“It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is...”
— Rod Serling
Aug 24th
Aug 23rd
“My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom...”
— Ronnie Spector
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“Pre-1989, I pretty much fucked everybody. I had to get...”
— Courtney Love
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

Our sex was so good that even the...

Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“Sex is like a bridge game; if you don’t have a good...”
— Mae West
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.”
— Elias Canetti
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard....”
— Harmon Killebrew
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks...”
— Humphrey Bogart
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and...”
— Murphy’s Law
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

Life Is Like An Analogy...

Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

Tripping

Opium for the masses would be fine. O p i u m i s n i c e. And those who expect religion to make...
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
What do you do with 365 used rubbers? Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a good year.
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
What’s the ultimate rejection? When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

Costume Party

Mike is trying to come up with the perfect outfit for a fancy costume party. Then he had a bright...
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“Someone had to do it. That son of a bitch killed my...”
— Jack Ruby
Aug 23rd
(via yeahyouredifferent) dailycow says: And a tiny...
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
Guy, chatting online: Want to have virtual sex with me?
Girl: I'm sorry, I really can't.
Guy: Why not?
Girl: I have my virtual period.
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“We cannot find Bin Laden, but we can find John...”
— Michelle Balan
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
Listen Listen
Ringo Starr - R U Ready
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

Vagina. Virginia.

completelynormal: Almost the same. I mailed something a few days ago to my brother’s fiance for...
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd
“When your opponent is drowning, throw the son of a bitch an...”
— James Carville
Aug 23rd
Aug 23rd

In India alone, more than 700 million...

Aug 22nd
9gag: Warning: Fence Treated With Excrement Oh shit!!!
Aug 22nd
Aug 22nd
Aug 22nd