Jun 1st
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?...”
— (Sue Murphy)
— (Sue Murphy)
Jun 1st
Jun 1st
Honey, would you be an “angel” and shovel the...
Jun 1st
Weather Or Not
This weekend the weather was perfect in NJ. About 70-75 degrees with a nice clean breeze. All the...
Jun 1st
Jun 1st
iPoo, uPoo
A UK company started up by a distant relative of the inventor of the toilet, has created a new...
Jun 1st
Jun 1st
“I have a big penis, Paul Shaffer, and I will fuck you. I...”
— (Lisa Lampanelli, Chevy Chase...
— (Lisa Lampanelli, Chevy Chase...
Jun 1st
Jun 1st
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone...”
— Oscar Wilde
— Oscar Wilde
Jun 1st
May 31st
“Passion holds up the bottom of the universe & genius...”
— (Chang Ch’ao)
— (Chang Ch’ao)
May 31st
May 31st
Listen
Gin Blossoms - Found Out About You
May 31st
May 31st
“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect...”
— (Leonard Cohen)
— (Leonard Cohen)
May 31st
Worst outing of the year. Gave up too many hits including a...
May 31st
May 31st
Books Read May
Beyond The Pale/Procol Harum - Claes Johansen (184 pages) Planet Google - Randall Strogs (200...
May 31st
I Am The Walrus goo goo ga gobble…
May 31st
May 31st
“What if there were no grownups? Suppose the whole idea of...”
— (Stephen King/Hearts In...
— (Stephen King/Hearts In...
May 31st
May 31st
One Liners
Man with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts! A womans place is on a man’s face! I ran into...
May 31st
Hard drive crash…
May 31st
“If you receive an e-mail with a subject of...”
— (Badtimes Virus Alert)
— (Badtimes Virus Alert)
May 31st
May 31st
May 31st
May 31st
Get On Up
A farmer is lying in bed with his wife when he turns to her, grabs her tits, and says, “Honey,...
May 31st
May 30th
“You’ll be free, child, once you have died, from the...”
— (Conor Oberst aka Bright Eyes)
— (Conor Oberst aka Bright Eyes)
May 30th
May 30th
Stupid
A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom, and finds a stranger fucking his wife....
May 30th
Happy Caturday! Yes, you can have cheezeburger!
May 30th
May 30th
Piercings
The problem with young people today is that they all have piercings. When I was a lad, we didn’t...
May 30th
May 30th
“I drank Snapple for the first time yesterday, because their...”
— Chun Kee Ho.
— Chun Kee Ho.
May 30th
May 30th
“I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free...”
— Wendy Liebman.
— Wendy Liebman.
May 30th
May 30th
“With all the spam we get for penis-enlargement pills,...”
— (Kim Moser)
— (Kim Moser)
May 30th
May 30th
“The angle of the dangle is equally proportional to the heat...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 30th
May 30th
“I had a dream that Britney Spears rubbed her breasts in my...”
— Tristan Fabriani.
— Tristan Fabriani.
May 30th
May 30th
Listen
Mott The Hoople - I Wish I Was Your Mother
May 30th
May 30th
“While redecorating, I realized my wife and I have...”
— (Brad Osberg)
— (Brad Osberg)
May 30th
May 29th
“No trees were killed in the sending of this message....”
May 29th
May 29th
“You own yourself, so if you want to do something that...”
— Jim Goebel
— Jim Goebel
May 29th
My favorite highway!
May 29th
Another hit from this bong and I’ll be wiped...
May 29th
Pot & Paxil
I used a small amount of pot on the weekends to revive my libido while taking Paxil. I don’t...
May 29th
May 29th
“You know, animals are very psychic. I mean, the least sign...”
— (Mrs. Slocombe/Are You Being...
— (Mrs. Slocombe/Are You Being...
May 29th
May 29th
“I’m glad I don’t have to explain to a man from...”
— (Mignon McLaughlin)
— (Mignon McLaughlin)
May 29th
May 29th
Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask...
May 29th
Overheard while changing these diapers: “that’s...
May 29th
May 29th
Listen
Warren Zevon - I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead
May 29th
May 29th
“Every time we have some sex it almost breaks my balls.”
— (The Fugs)
— (The Fugs)
May 29th
May 29th
“The past is a lot different than it was back then. The...”
— David R. Wyder
— David R. Wyder
May 29th
May 28th
My Sexual History
Miss L liked to be finger-fucked so much that eventually I got carpal tunnel syndrome. She would rub...
May 28th
Don’t miss him at all…
May 28th
“The other day Bush gave a speech at a graduating high school...”
— (Bill Maher)
— (Bill Maher)
May 28th
May 28th
May 28th
“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all...”
— (Mariah Carey)
— (Mariah Carey)
May 28th
May 28th
“Everything you’ve learned in school as...”
— R. Buckminster Fuller
— R. Buckminster Fuller
May 28th
May 28th
Man Goes To Library...
Man: I'm looking for this book, it's called..er...er...its about Tourettes SyndromeLibrarian: Fuck off you cunt
Man: That's the one!!
May 28th
May 28th
Duck Rhymes With?
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers…
May 28th
May 28th
Get Off My Cloud
A man is walking down the sidewalk and happens to look up an alley. He sees a man on the ground...
May 28th
May 28th
Picowsso
Two boys are in front of a painting by Picasso. -what is this shit? ? ? -It is marked...
May 28th
May 28th
Dumb All Over
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things...
May 28th
May 28th
The Internet Is Like A Penis
* It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real...
May 28th
May 27th
“I was actually lucky enough to get invited to a party at the...”
— (Jeffrey Ross, Hugh Hefner...
— (Jeffrey Ross, Hugh Hefner...
May 27th
.jpg
May 27th
Pooper Scoopers
Bush says cleaning up his dog’s droppings is a sobering reminder that he’s no longer...
May 27th
May 27th
Listen
CCR - Someday Never Comes
May 27th
May 27th
Excerpt From Ulysses
Onward to the dead sea they tramp to drink, unslaked and with horrible gulpings, the salt somnolent...
May 27th
May 27th
Tales of Brave Ulysses
You thought the leaden winter would bring you down forever, But you rode upon a steamer to the...
May 27th
May 27th
Married Names
If Yoko Ono had married Sonny Bono, she’d be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton had married...
May 27th
May 27th
The Van Gogh's
After much careful research, it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many...
May 27th
May 27th
Visit To A Prison
Randolph: So what was for dinner tonight.Prisoner: We started with a tossed salad, then some hot dogs and for dessert we had fudge.
Randolph: Sounds like you got fucked again.
Prisoner: That was before dinner....
May 27th
May 27th
“In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that...”
— (John C. Dvorak)
— (John C. Dvorak)
May 27th
May 26th
Listen
Grip Weeds - Every Minute
May 26th
“The only way I’m meeting the girl of my dreams tonight...”
— (Adam Duritz)
— (Adam Duritz)
May 26th
Almost forgot Titty Tuesday! Here’s a nice pair…
May 26th
May 26th
Magnetic Feet
Whenever I go barefoot in the house, my feet seem to be magically attracted to anything on the floor...
May 26th
May 26th
May 26th
“I disagree with the use of the word “pussy” to...”
— Hal Sparks
— Hal Sparks
May 26th
May 26th
It’s typing on it’s own now. Beware of...
May 26th
May 26th
Keyboard Blues
The melody of my keyboard today is harsh. I press gently on the “h” and the letters...
May 26th
May 26th
“…And these children that you spit on as they try to...”
— (David Bowie/Ch,ch, changes)
— (David Bowie/Ch,ch, changes)
May 26th
May 26th
“There is more money being spent on breast implants and...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 26th
May 25th
Sundry Days
Sleepy dreams with his text machine goes outside for a walk. He sees a bird and thinks of a word but...
May 25th
We’re tired of your Dick, Cheney!
May 25th
Big Dick Cheney
Hey Dick. Stick a cork in it you good for nothing jackass. You and George were elected with the...
May 25th
May 25th
Ridiculous Nicknames
The problem with young people today is that they have ridiculous nicknames. Back in my day, young...
May 25th
May 25th
“Fucked her standing
Fucked her lying
If she had wings...”
— (Bathroom Graffiti)
— (Bathroom Graffiti)
May 25th
May 25th
“I’m so unlucky that if I were to fall into a vat of...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 25th
Good outing after missing last start due to family leave....
May 25th
Hash Brownies (goodfellas)
May 25th
Salvation Skid Marks
I’ve become an incontinent fool. My underwear get soiled every day. Either I’m crapping...
May 25th
May 25th
Death To Twitter
The most boring social networking tool(?) ever invented. The new AOL which will hopefully die a...
May 25th
May 25th
May 25th
May 25th
“Hamburg was fantastic. Between the whores and the groupies...”
— (John Lennon)
— (John Lennon)
May 25th
May 25th
“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have...”
— (Lawrence Housman)
— (Lawrence Housman)
May 25th
May 25th
“The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner...”
— (Mikael Pawlo)
— (Mikael Pawlo)
May 25th
May 24th
“Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue!”
— Lloyd Bridges (Airplane)
— Lloyd Bridges (Airplane)
May 24th
May 24th
Listen
Pretenders - Don’t Get Me Wrong
May 24th
May 24th
Stacked Shit
Gunnery Sargeant Hartmann: "How tall are you Private?"Private Cowboy: "5 foot 9 Sir".
Gunnery Sargeant Hartmann: "5 foot 9? I didn't know they could stack shit that high... are you trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere?"
May 24th
May 24th
May 24th
“If you want your dreams to come true, don’t sleep.”
— (Yiddish Proverb)
— (Yiddish Proverb)
May 24th
Diamond in her favorite spot on Caturday…
May 24th
May 24th
“War will exist until that distant day when the conscientious...”
— (John F. Kennedy)
— (John F. Kennedy)
May 24th
May 24th
Good News, Bad News
If a plane crashes, it makes headlines, but there’s no news crawl across the bottom of the TV...
May 24th
May 23rd
Listen
Troggs - With A Girl Like You
May 23rd
May 23rd
“Why should you never iron a four leaf clover? You...”
— (Daryl Stout)
— (Daryl Stout)
May 23rd
My grandson JC with my surfer’s wig.
May 23rd
“To do is to be - Socrates
To be is to do - Aristotle
Do be...”
May 23rd
A late Happy Caturday! Treat your pussy like royalty today!
May 23rd
May 23rd
Listen
Bob Seger - Feel Like A Number
May 23rd
May 23rd
Friday Poesy
Everybody’s at the titty bar tonight They lookin’ at hard nips and givin’ dollar...
May 23rd
May 22nd
English Is Easy
The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so...
May 22nd
May 22nd
“Reminder:
Never say ‘never say never’.”
May 22nd
May 22nd
Tasty Bites
The web is a dominatrix. Every where I turn, I see little buttons ordering me to Submit. Hospitals...
May 22nd
OK, Okay…
May 22nd
“To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.”
— Euripides
— Euripides
May 22nd
May 22nd
& Now The Jokes
President Obama has found a way to quickly close Guantanamo Bay. He’s going to turn it into a...
May 22nd
May 22nd
May 22nd
& Now With Sports...
Porn Star ‘Cora’ - Carolin Berger was rushed to a hospital with difficulties breathing, while...
May 22nd
May 22nd
& Now The News...
A 34-year-old man in Massachusetts will pay a $500 fine for ripping off the head of Chuck E. Cheese...
May 22nd
May 22nd
“The real mass media are basically trying to divert people....”
— (Noam Chomsky)
— (Noam Chomsky)
May 22nd
May 22nd
“Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy...”
— (P.J. O’Rourke)
— (P.J. O’Rourke)
May 22nd
May 21st
Soiled Underwear
eBay, the online auction site, specifically bans the sale of and I quote’ “soiled...
May 21st
Uhh, cameltoe?
May 21st
“Sweet is love when all is sane
Sweet is death to rid the...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 21st
May 21st
“By running from the past, the present goes by too fast, and...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 21st
May 21st
May 21st
Fletch the “wonder dog” who was Diamond’s...
May 21st
“Next time I come to Florida I’m wearing a wet suit.”
— (Dad to daughter after three...
— (Dad to daughter after three...
May 21st
“That looks like Daddy!”
— My grandson JC (age 4) seeing...
— My grandson JC (age 4) seeing...
May 21st
My grandaughter Jennifer at her 10th birthday party with her...
May 21st
Back In NJ
It’s 2 a.m. Thursday morning and I’m back in NJ after nearly a week in Florida for my...
May 21st
May 14th
“To get away from one’s working environment is, in a...”
— Charles Horton Cooley
— Charles Horton Cooley
May 14th
May 14th
Listen
Pete Best Band - Dream Me Home
May 14th
My Florida family from a few years back…
May 14th
Travel Day
Today I will be flying from NJ to Florida to visit my daughter and grandchildren. The flight is only...
May 14th
May 14th
The Law Of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
May 14th
May 14th
The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will...
May 14th
May 13th
“Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.”
— Robert A. Heinlen
— Robert A. Heinlen
May 13th
May 13th
May 13th
May 13th
“Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.”
May 13th
May 13th
Ramdumb Bytes
Carpet bombing swept under the rug. Without nipples, breasts would be pointless. Condoms are like...
May 13th
Another PosTit Tuesday comes to an end…
May 13th
“Wet dreams are just God wacking you off. He does it for you...”
— (Unknown)
— (Unknown)
May 13th
May 13th
“I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”
— Steven Wright
— Steven Wright
May 13th
May 12th
It’s Titty Tuesday. (post em’ if you got...
May 12th
“The price of a stamp is going up to 44 cents. It’s out...”
— Jimmy Fallon
— Jimmy Fallon
May 12th
May 12th
May 12th
May 12th
“It is not heroin or cocaine that makes one an addict, it is...”
— Shirley Chisholm
— Shirley Chisholm
May 12th
May 12th
“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”
— Emo Phillips
— Emo Phillips
May 12th
May 11th
“No matter how big you think you are in this world, at the...”
— Howard Stern
— Howard Stern
May 11th
May 11th
Catsup or Ketchup?
John McCain has 7 houses, 13 cars and a private jet and the GOP wants you to think of him as a...
May 11th
Listen
Joe Jackson - Steppin’ Out
May 11th
May 11th
May 10th
May 10th
Listen
Who - The Real Me
May 10th
May 10th
Midwest Blues
KANSAS CITY, MO—Players and executives with the 16-11 Royals filed a grievance with MLB officials...
May 10th
May 10th
My mom before she became a mom. She was born in 1919 and...
May 10th
Listen
Beatles vs. Guns n’ Roses - A Knocking Day In The Life
May 10th
May 10th
“Hey, I don’t like cocaine… I just like the way...”
— Rodney Dangerfield
— Rodney Dangerfield
May 10th
May 10th
“If you’ve never seen an elephant ski, you’ve...”
— Eddie Izzard
— Eddie Izzard
May 10th
May 10th
May 10th
“It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in...”
— Woody (hee, hee you typed...
— Woody (hee, hee you typed...
May 10th
May 10th
May 9th
“I hated going to weddings. All the grandmas would poke me...”
May 9th
Saturday night at the movies…
May 9th
Cock-A-Diddle-You
Guy: "Were you raised on a chicken farm?"Girl: "No, why?"
Guy: "Cause you sure know how to raise some cock!"
May 9th
Best day of the week Caturday! Give your pussy a treat...
May 9th
Good job Hulk, hold up them titties!
May 9th
May 9th
“What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the...”
— Harry Caray
— Harry Caray
May 9th
A poor outing. Threw too many pitches and gave up too many...
May 9th
May 8th
“Drunkenness is nothing but a self-induced state of insanity.”
— Seneca
— Seneca
May 8th
May 8th
“Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is...”
— Abbie Hoffman
— Abbie Hoffman
May 8th
May 8th
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole...”
— Sharon Stone
— Sharon Stone
May 8th
May 8th
“Boys, I may not know much, but I know chicken shit from...”
— President Lyndon Johnson
— President Lyndon Johnson
May 8th
May 8th
Listen
Beatles Mashup - Fabtasia
May 8th
May 8th
TV Facts #2
Body metabolism (and calorie burning) is an average of 14.5% lower when watching TV than when...
May 8th
May 8th
Random Bytes
Colin Mochrie: Our top story today: Convicted hit man Jimmy “Two-Shoes” McClarty...
May 8th
At last my own blog!
May 8th
Diamond's Playground
I’m starting another tumblr blog and calling it Diamond’s Playground. It will be nothing...
May 8th
May 7th
My Two Cents
I have no use for the “tumblarity” thing. Like someone else said it’s “high...
May 7th
May 7th
“I’m a tidy sort of bloke. I don’t like chaos. I...”
— George Harrison
— George Harrison
May 7th
Holy pencil penis Batman!
May 7th
Dear Batman
Since you came on television I’ve been a big fan of yours. Could you please answer one...
May 7th
May 7th
“Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied...”
— Jeff Raskin
— Jeff Raskin
May 7th
May 7th
“Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a...”
— Chuck Smith
— Chuck Smith
May 7th
May 7th
Listen
Procol Harum - All This And More
May 7th
May 7th
“Monday is a hard way to spend one-seventh of your life.”
May 7th