Mar 4th
Titty Tuesday has a nice ring to it!
Mar 3rd
Lost Origins #3
Handsome crutch leg kneels at the altar and sacrifices poker chips for a fat lip. His intestines are...
Mar 3rd
Mar 3rd
Mar 2nd
God creates universe. Realizes mistake. Hides.
Mar 2nd
tumblr-ing thru another day…
Mar 2nd
BANK OF BOVINE
Stop giving all your hard-earned liquid and solid assets to Farmer Bob. Plop your asset in our bank...
Mar 2nd
Expecting 10 to 12 inches overnight!
Mar 2nd
“No senior citizen should ever have to choose between...”
— George W. Bush (private...
— George W. Bush (private...
Mar 2nd
Mar 2nd
Funny Sayings
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep with a blueberry muffin. Bad news travel fast, unless your...
Mar 2nd
Mar 2nd
“In Europe they have taken
half the cigarette packet
to...”
— David Hockney
— David Hockney
Mar 2nd
Mar 1st
IS POLE SIZE IMPORTANT?
As the winter snow cascades upon Mount Moo, I am stuck inside cleaning out the barn and glancing at...
Mar 1st
Mar 1st
Toilet Paper History
What did people use before toilet paper? Well, just use your imagination: grass, leaves, fur,...
Mar 1st
Mar 1st
New Phrases For Sneezes
”Biohazard!” ”Quarantine!” ”You’ll die alone!” ”Thar she blows!” ”So’s yer old man!” ...
Mar 1st
Mar 1st
“I can’t look down on the commercial sponsors of these...”
— Paul Harvey
— Paul Harvey
Mar 1st
Mar 1st
“It’s hard to concentrate on the work
at hand when a...”
Mar 1st
Mar 1st
Caturday/The last day of February…
Feb 28th
Harper's Index Sex
Length of the average sex session, including foreplay, in minutes: 33.24
Feb 28th
Roll the dice snake eyes!
Feb 28th
Some Puns
Modern Sikhs live in cities. It’s the turban jungle. Mr. T is getting incontinent in his old age....
Feb 28th
Feb 27th
February Books Read
The Intimate Sex Lives of Famous People - Various Lost In A Good Book - Jasper Fforde Ronnie -...
Feb 27th
Feb 27th
More About Me
Your date of conception was on or about 2 May 1954 which was a Sunday. You were born on a...
Feb 27th
Feb 27th
Up To Date
As of 2/27/2009 6:29:51 PM EST You are 54 years old. You are 649 months old. You are 2,822...
Feb 27th
Feb 27th
“We are always talking about being together, and yet whatever...”
— Edward Dahlberg
— Edward Dahlberg
Feb 27th
Feb 26th
“Free speech means the right to shout ‘theater’...”
— Abbie Hoffman
— Abbie Hoffman
Feb 26th
Baseball season soon! Two new stadiums (fuck steriod...
Feb 26th
Old Joke
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up...
Feb 26th
Feb 26th
The Woodchuck Question?
poortaste: Question from Pirata: how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck...
Feb 26th
Feb 26th
Actual Headline
Deputy about to take a bathroom break at a Md. gas station smells crack, arrests suspect
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
“If the sun which weighs two billion billion billion tons can...”
— Words To Myself
— Words To Myself
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
Joke #13
How do you get to that factory in Pennsylvania that makes chocolate kisses? Take the Hershey Highway...
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
Sung to the tune of Don McLean's American Pie: AMERICAN COW PIE A long long time ago I can still...
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
A Review Of The Old Zine
#14. I will never understand Mr. Wyder’s bovine fetish. Back in the days when I reviewed for...
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
Lost Origins #2
We moved on to cleaner and fresher tracks. We found the places where the coffee was direct from the...
Feb 25th
Feb 25th
Lost Origins #1
Things were going very well for the two centurions. Even if the digging was only producing minute...
Feb 25th
Feb 24th
That's A Fact
The storage capacity of human brain exceeds 4 Terrabytes. During his or her lifetime, the average...
Feb 24th
Feb 23rd
Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to...
Feb 23rd
Feb 23rd
Cudweiser Beer
After a hard day in the field you need to kick out the stalls with a nice cold one. Pop open a quart...
Feb 23rd
How I looked in my late twenties…
Feb 22nd
“Old age is like climbing a mountain. You climb from ledge to...”
— Ingmar Bergman
— Ingmar Bergman
Feb 22nd
Feb 22nd
“Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like...”
— John Perry Barlow
— John Perry Barlow
Feb 22nd
Feb 22nd
No Change Yet
A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask...
Feb 22nd
Feb 22nd
Cancel This Post
Cancel this post. I got nothing to say. I want my liar (lawyer). What’s good in being bad When...
Feb 22nd
and the police in their loud cars… wound up in a cul...
Feb 22nd
And behold the opium was sweet… and we smoked it all...
Feb 22nd
Feb 21st
“My friend lives by a cliff he’s always telling me to...”
Feb 21st
Diamond The Cat on Caturday…
Feb 21st
Feb 21st
Software Change
Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow...
Feb 21st
Feb 20th
“You’re a woman who’s been getting nothing but dirty breaks....”
— Groucho Marx
— Groucho Marx
Feb 20th
Big Balls Billy
Feb 20th
SUPER BULL SUNDAY
HOUSTON-The 40th Annual Super Bull Convention went off without a hitch as bulls from all over the...
Feb 20th
Feb 19th
“Who picks your clothes -
Stevie Wonder?”
— Don Rickles
— Don Rickles
Feb 19th
Feb 18th
Cow Briefs
Jose Cansecow became very ill after eating artificial turf in Seattle. Will be placed on 21 day...
Feb 18th
How’s about right now?
Feb 18th
“Time at which Americans are most likely to have sex: 10:34...”
— Harpers Index
— Harpers Index
Feb 18th
Feb 18th
“Advertising may be described as the science of arresting...”
— Stephen Leacock
— Stephen Leacock
Feb 18th
Feb 18th
Stop Overtaxing Smokers!
Smoking imposes costs on society. Because smokers tend to die earlier than nonsmokers, the...
Feb 18th
Feb 18th
Ode to a Twinkie
Oh, Twinkie with your golden hue, You have delicious goop in you. There you are! Were you...
Feb 18th
Feb 18th
The Experiments
Twinkies don’t burn well unless doused in alcohol. Then they make good fires. Twinkies in...
Feb 18th
Feb 17th
“A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein, but with...”
— Tom Shale on Robin Williams
— Tom Shale on Robin Williams
Feb 17th
Feb 17th
Acuity
Number of tabs of LSD confiscated at a series of Grateful Dead concerts in Landover, Maryland, in...
Feb 17th
Feb 16th
“Federal housing funds spent by New Jersey’s Passaic Housing...”
— Harper’s Index
— Harper’s Index
Feb 16th
Feb 16th
Number of years Jeanne Louise Calment, France’s oldest woman, smoked cigarettes before she...
Feb 16th
Feb 16th
“Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it is awfully hard...”
— H.R. Haldeman
— H.R. Haldeman
Feb 16th
Feb 15th
Harper's Index
Number of Twinkies that Twinkie inventor Jimmy Dewar ate in his lifetime: 40,177
Feb 15th
Feb 15th
“Yes, beer kills brain cells,
but it replaces them with...”
Feb 15th
Feb 15th
“Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower,...”
— Shakespeare
— Shakespeare
Feb 14th
Happy Caturday! Happy Valentine’s Day!
Feb 14th
Feb 14th
What Is It Now?
Bipartisan means that both parties will screw you but with different positions. Life is too fleeting...
Feb 14th
Feb 13th
“There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.”
— Norman Mailer
— Norman Mailer
Feb 13th
Feb 12th
“My love life is terrible.
The last time I was inside a...”
— Woody Allen
— Woody Allen
Feb 12th
Feb 12th
“If sex doesn’t scare the cat, you’re not doing...”
Feb 12th
Feb 11th
“Members of Congress should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers...”
Feb 11th
Stimulus package will include Aretha hats for every U.S....
Feb 11th
“Kellogg’s Drops Michael Phelps for Smoking Pot at...”
— Ironic Times
— Ironic Times
Feb 11th
Feb 11th
“In a survey of teenage mothers, most of them said they were...”
Feb 11th
Feb 10th
“There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life:...”
— Albert Schweitzer
— Albert Schweitzer
Feb 9th
Watch
Pop Pop & Leah Dance!
Feb 9th
“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t...”
— Douglas Adams
— Douglas Adams
Feb 9th
Feb 9th
Feb 8th
“A nymphomaniac is a women
as obsessed with sex as
the...”
— Mignon McLaughlin
— Mignon McLaughlin
Feb 8th
O.J. Simpson, J. Edgar Hoover, Unknown
Feb 8th
“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in...”
— J. Edgar Hoover
— J. Edgar Hoover
Feb 8th
Happy Caturday!
Feb 7th
“If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he’ll have...”
Feb 7th
Feb 7th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
No smoking in bed!
Feb 6th
Be a good boy and eat my Twinkie!
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Oh Bob, not again!
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
She Got Me
She got electric nipples She got pillow breasts She got my cock in her mouth She got me moaning with...
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
“A revolution is not the same as inviting people to dinner,...”
— Edwin Markham
— Edwin Markham
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
“The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented...”
— Edwina Currie
— Edwina Currie
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
For Miriam P.
There is a likeness of you here Which dances in my sleep There is a likeness of you here One that I...
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
“You know you’re getting old when people tell you how...”
— Alan King
— Alan King
Feb 6th
Feb 6th
“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you...”
— Satchel Paige
— Satchel Paige
Feb 6th
Feb 5th
“Obama is a genius. Whenever he nominates someone, they pay...”
— Jay Leno
— Jay Leno
Feb 5th
Diamond on the desktop. Diamond at the window.
Feb 4th
A great piece of music here…
Feb 4th
Feb 3rd
“While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on...”
— (Henny Youngman)
— (Henny Youngman)
Feb 3rd
Feb 3rd
“Paterson has no comprehension of upstate New York,...”
— Lawrence O’Donnell...
— Lawrence O’Donnell...
Feb 3rd
Feb 2nd
“Capone got prison,
Daschle gets an appointment”
Feb 2nd
Feb 2nd
“It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve...”
Feb 2nd
Feb 1st
Feb 1st
Books Read 01/09
The Book Of General Ignorance - Lloyd & Mitchinson Dirk Gentley’s Holstice Detective...
Feb 1st