Daily Cow

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2008

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2007

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
Dec 2nd

Famous Last Words #7

Soupy Sales: “Is there any pie left?”
Dec 2nd
Dec 2nd

Books Read November 2009

1. If I Stop, I’ll Die: Richard Pryor - John & Dennis Williams (252 pages) 2. The Last...
Dec 2nd
Dec 2nd
“I tried to charm the pants off Bob Dylan, but everyone will...”
— Bette Midler
Dec 2nd
Tiger’s wood is no longer hard… He’s a...
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Controversial cow sacrifice plan for...

The 2010 World Cup in South Africa is expected to be blessed by the slaughter of one cow in each of...
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
“The President inserted a cigar into Ms Lewinsky’s...”
— Kenneth Starr
Dec 1st
A Titty Tuesday twofer on tumblr.
Dec 1st
It’s Titty Tuesday on tumblr.
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words #6

Al Capone: “Jimmy, kill those bitches who gave me this syphillis.”
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words #5

Kath, Terry Alan (1946-1978) [Founding member of the rock band Chicago] “Don’t worry,...
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words #4

Christopher Columbus: “My love does it good.”
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words #3

Lou Costello (1906-1959) “That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.”
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words #2

Beethoven: “Friends applaud, the comedy is over.”
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Famous Last Words

Andy Warhol: “My zipper is stuck.”
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of...”
— Ed Gardner
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
“I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards...”
— Erma Bombeck
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
Listen Listen
Traffic - You Can All Join In
Dec 1st
Dec 1st
“If you prefer mental masturbation, then go back to...”
— Unknown
Dec 1st
Dec 1st

Joke

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says to the other, “Ever been picked up by the...
Dec 1st
Nov 30th
Listen Listen
sixbucks: Arthur Alexander: Solitary Man (Neil Diamond cover)
Nov 30th
Nov 30th

She told me to mount her and fuck her...

Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Football is not a contact sport. Its a collision sport”
— Duffy Daugherty
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world...”
— Bill Cosby
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Somehow a bunch of sanctimonious wackos have managed to...”
— Anonymous Airline Passenger,...
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“All of the Mets’ road wins against Los Angeles this...”
— Ralph Kiner, Mets Broadcaster
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“How much lumber could a woodchuck discard If a woodchuck...”
— McSweeney’s Internet Tendency:...
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Ordinary rape and murder just doesn’t make it anymore....”
— Jon Davidson (ad executive at...
Nov 30th
Bad weather on the horizon?
Nov 30th

They Need A Weatherman

We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is...
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Darkness is to space what silence is to sound, i.e., the...”
— Marshall McLuhan
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Wash four distinct and separate times, using lots of lather...”
— Howard Hughes
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Salad bars are like a restaurant’s lungs. They soak up...”
— Doug Coupland
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“If hooking a car battery up to a monkey’s brain will...”
— Nick Dipaolo
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Listen Listen
sixbucks: David Bowie: Friday On My Mind
Nov 30th
Nov 30th

Small Talk

Ralph: How was your Thanksgiving?
Me: Oh shit man don't ask me that. If you want to engage in small talk let's talk about your penis.
Ralph: About my what?
Me: Your dick, cock, pee shooter...
Ralph: I'm going to report you.
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
“Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs...”
— Billy Rose
Nov 30th
Nov 30th
Listen Listen
Pete Townshend - Keep Me Turning
Nov 30th
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
“Love one another (His last words)”
— George Harrison
Nov 29th
“Sunrise doesn’t last all morning, a cloudburst...”
— George Harrison/All Things...
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
Miss you, George…
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Head & Shoulders

A blonde is standing in an elevator with a few other people when a man wearing a black suit steps...
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the...”
— Rodney Dangerfield
Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Another Joke

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Clown Joke

Question: What should you do if you’re attacked by a gang of clowns? Answer: Go for the...
Nov 29th
Nov 29th
Listen Listen
Mick Taylor - Spanish
Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Get Your Tongue Out'a My Mouth Cause I'm...

Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On...

Nov 29th
Nov 29th
“Talking is just masturbation without the mess.”
— Raine Maida
Nov 29th
Nov 29th

You've had way too much cock in your...

Nov 29th
Nov 29th

Nurse Porn Star

College girl, surprised: You went on a blind date last night?
College boy: Yeah, she was nice. She's gonna be a nurse.
Sketchy friend: Dude, that's awesome! Y'know, nurses make the best porn stars.
Nov 29th
Nov 28th
“In eternity there is no time, only an instant long enough...”
— Hermann Hesse (Steppenwolf)...
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
“If you must choose between two evils, pick the one...”
— Mae West
Nov 28th
Nov 28th

You're so hot you would make the devil...

Nov 28th
Nov 28th

A Blonde Went Out To Her Mail Box

A blonde went out to her mail box, looked in, closed the door, and went back in the house. A few...
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
“Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should...”
— Erma Bombeck
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
Listen Listen
The Jimi Hendrix Experience, 3rd Stone From The Sun (1967)
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
Listen Listen
The Human Beinz: Nobody But Me (1967)
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
Listen Listen
Bob Dylan: Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again
Nov 28th
Happy Caturday! Give your pussy some x-tra luvin’...
Nov 28th
Nov 28th
Listen Listen
Moody Blues - Floating
Nov 28th
Nov 27th

I heard that you changed your mind. So,...

Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards...”
— Robert Wilensky
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been...”
— Unknown
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own...”
— Harvey MacKay
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
Listen Listen
Bob Dylan - Highway 61 Revisited
Nov 27th
Nov 27th

Nun Has VD

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, “I must tell you all...
Nov 27th
Nov 27th

Pack Your Bags

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the...
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“I usually take a two hour nap from one to four.”
— Yogi Berra
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.”
— James Taylor
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“That’s the fastest time ever run - but it’s not...”
— David Coleman
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
Lost in a lost world…
Nov 27th
Nov 27th
“Night is the mother of thoughts.”
— John Florio
Nov 27th
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey...”
— Unknown
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

I'm going to bury myself in a time...

Nov 26th
Diamond Girl (the greatest cat in the world)…
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“The pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts...”
— H. W. Westermayer
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

Thank You, Lord

1540: Hernando de Soto’s expedition burns down palisaded town of Mabila and kills approx. 2,500...
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

Things you can only say on Thanksgiving

1. Talk about a huge breast! 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. It’s Cool...
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

Puritans Hated Sex?

Actually, they welcomed sex as a God-given responsibility. When one member of the First Church of...
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

What do you do when you see an...

Nov 26th
Churn that butter, baby… (If you need some cream, I...
Nov 26th
“Politics is like driving a car: if you want to move forward,...”
— Unknown
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
Listen Listen
Undertakers - Just A Little Bit
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at...”
— Dorothy Parker
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to...”
— Dennis Miller
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side...”
— Dean Martin
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“Until I was 13, I thought my name was ‘Shut Up.’”
— Joe Namath
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a...”
— Demetri Martin
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“I was sued by a woman who claimed that she became pregnant...”
— Uri Geller
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that...”
— Issac Asimov
Nov 26th
Nov 26th

Knock Knock Joke

Knock knock. Who’s there? Hugh Grant Hugh Grant who? Hugh Grant me the Serenity to accept...
Nov 26th
Nov 26th
“The question of whether computers can think is like the...”
— Edsgar Dijkstra
Nov 26th
9gag: Just home from killing children War, what is it...
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
“A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.”
— Tom Waits
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
“Scientists say because of global warming they expect the...”
— Conan O’Brien
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
“If Harry Potter’s so magical, why can’t he cure...”
— Frankie Boyle
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Listen Listen
Rod Stewart - Just Like A Woman
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Nov 25th

Save your breath...You'll need it later...

Nov 25th
Nov 25th

Do skeletons get boners?

Nov 25th
Nov 25th
“My computer goes down on me more often than my girlfriend.”
— Robert Paul
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
“Television is to news what bumper stickers are to...”
— Richard Nixon
Nov 25th
Nov 25th

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now,...

Nov 25th
Nov 25th

In addition to Bronchitis, I now have...

Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Nov 25th
Titty Tuesday twofer on tumblr.
Nov 25th
It’s Titty Tuesday on tumblr.
Nov 25th

Sexual Terms #86

Ted Williams (aka “Walt Disney”) - Freeze your crank until it is frozen. Then do a chick...
Nov 25th
Nov 24th
“He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens...”
— Leo Tolstoy
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
“Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?”
— Don Rickles (to David...
Nov 24th
(via aishraz)
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Nov 24th

Thanksgiving Holiday Wishes

Instead of saying Happy Thanksgiving to folks this year why not try out these witty wishes. And...
Nov 24th
Nov 24th
Listen Listen
Bob Seger - Chain Smokin’
Nov 24th
Nov 24th

Don't Reblog This

Don’t reblog this if you dislike posts that say “reblog this if you like (for instance...
Nov 24th
Nov 24th

Fear Factoid #9

One hundred million people live within three feet of sea level.
Nov 24th
Nov 24th

Transcend Or Die

Absolutely limit population. Either we transcend our primitive urges to allow our DNA to continue on...
Nov 24th
Nov 23rd
“If I walked on water people would say I couldn’t swim.”
— John Turner
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd
“I was the first woman to burn my bra - it took the fire...”
— Dolly Parton
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd
Listen Listen
Rolling Stones - Tell Me
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd

Quotes About JFK Murder

The committee believes, on the basis of the evidence available to it, that President John F. Kennedy...
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd
“We took care of Kennedy … The hit in Dallas was just...”
— Sam Giancana to his brother
Nov 23rd
Who dun it? “after all it was you and me.”...
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd

It Was 46 Years Ago Today...

It was 46 years ago today that JFK was shot and 4 years later Sgt. Pepper taught the band how to...
Nov 23rd
Nov 23rd

Bronchitis

I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with bronchitis. Gave me three prescriptions and told...
Nov 23rd
Nov 22nd

I love to give head.

(via completelynormal)
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“Just pay the parking ticket. Don’t be so outraged. You’re...”
— Shitmydadsays (via...
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd

I still miss my ex-wife, but my aim is...

Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“We are all born mad. Some remain so.”
— Samuel Beckett
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s...”
— Paula Poundstone
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd

Never lie to an x-ray technician. They...

Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
Listen Listen
Moody Blues - So Deep Within You
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“People aren’t as stupid as the politicians think. More...”
— Bob Black
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like...”
— Ezekiel 23:20 (New...
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd
“Some of us pursue perfection and virtue and if we’re...”
— Bob Dylan
Nov 22nd
Nov 22nd

Too Much Light

Imagine if you will that each point of light is a universe, each universe containing hundreds of...
Nov 22nd
Nov 21st
Nov 21st

If the truth hurts, are lies painless?

Nov 21st
Happy Caturday! Give your pussy some x-tra good lovin’...
Nov 21st
Nov 21st
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a...”
— Oscar Wilde
Nov 21st
Nov 21st

Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so...

Nov 21st
Nov 21st
Nov 21st
Nov 21st
Listen Listen
Rolling Stones - Cocksucker Blues
Nov 21st
Nov 21st
Nov 21st

IT'S OURS // CHARLES BUKOWSKI

There is always that space there just before they get to us that space that fine relaxer the...
Nov 21st
Can this person please GO AWAY…FAR, FAR AWAY!
Nov 21st

Joke #52

Since singer Susan Boyle has been on TV there’s been a marked drop in suicide bombings....
Nov 21st
Nov 21st

Deep Fried Bull Testicles

It might take balls to eat them, but deep fried bull testicles have a niche market in parts of...
Nov 21st
Nov 20th
Nov 20th
“The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after...”
— Fight Club
Nov 20th
Nov 20th