Daily Cow

2009

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2008

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January

2007

December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
mudwerks: Eye of the Goof: Timmy!
Oct 31st
Oct 31st
Van “The Man” Morrison has a cool...
Oct 31st
“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude...”
— Charles Swindoll (via...
Oct 31st
Another Happy Caturday….
Oct 31st
“Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within...”
— Adam Ferguson
Oct 31st
Bald Paul?
Oct 31st
Listen Listen
Paul McCartney - Junior’s Farm
Oct 31st
No Time Left For You Me
Oct 31st
“Maybe this world is another planet’s Hell.”
— Aldous Huxley
Oct 31st
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
“Love is when you look into someones eyes and go all the way...”
— Unknown
Oct 30th
My 4th grade teacher Mrs. Titwell. No wonder I turned out...
Oct 30th

Stupid Teacher

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,...
Oct 30th
Oct 30th

Don't Forget Jack Rubenstein

Ruby was a mafia insider. The person assigned to eliminate the patsy was Officer J.D. Tippet, who...
Oct 30th
Lyndon “Brains” Johnson…
Oct 30th

LBJ Was Hysterical

What McHugh claimed to have witnessed next was shocking. “I walked in the toilet, in the...
Oct 30th
Somebody is in a good mood today!
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
“America is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get...”
— Charlie King
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There...
Oct 30th
Oct 30th

Literal Talk

Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court Judge said, “And...
Oct 30th
Oct 30th

Semper Fi

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD:
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD:
Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
“Electricity is really just organized lightning.”
— George Carlin
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
Listen Listen
Jackson Browne - Time The Conqueror
Oct 30th
Oct 30th

Two Chromosomes

X: I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith
y: Really! What's the name of his other leg?
Oct 30th
The new Twin Towers are rising…
Oct 30th
“Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom...”
— Sean Dwyer
Oct 30th
Oct 30th
Listen Listen
anthonybergen: youveescaped: The Beach Boys - God Only Knows
Oct 30th
Fawlty Towers…one of the greatest TV shows ever!
Oct 30th
mudwerks: (via mabelmoments)
Oct 29th
Oct 29th

Terrific Comeback

peetypassion: A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it...
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
“One of the critical causes of those symptoms is the fact we...”
— I live without cash – and I...
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
“In Florida, a Home Depot employee was fired after he was...”
— Conan O’Brien
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
“If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?”
— George Carlin
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
“I think Pringles original intention was to make tennis balls...”
— Mitch Hedberg
Oct 29th
Another tongue-lashing from the crybaby…
Oct 29th

XXXMas Cards

MURFREESBORO, Tenn. - A man was sentenced to two years of probation for sending sexually explicit...
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
Oct 29th
Listen Listen
P.F. Sloan - Halloween Mary
Oct 29th
Oct 28th
“The dream takes us downward, and the mood that corresponds...”
— James Hillman
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th

Overpopulation: Think Birth Control

Environmentalists tend to avoid the topic of population control. Too touchy. But the politically...
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
“Men are beasts and even beasts don’t behave as they do.”
— Brigitte Bardot
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Oct 28th
Listen Listen
Procol Harum - About To Die
Oct 28th
Oct 27th
What did the bulimic girl’s boyfriend say whenever he heard her in the bathroom after a meal?...
Oct 27th
Acapulco Gold!
Oct 27th
Oct 27th
“Education is a cure for ignorance, not stupidity.”
— Salvatore J. Stolfo
Oct 27th
A tumblr Titty (& Clitty) Tuesday twofer…
Oct 27th
It’s Titty Tuesday on tumblr. It Doesn’t get any...
Oct 27th
Oct 27th

God Damned Teenage Trick Or Treaters

Few things chaff my thighs more than damned teenagers who don’t know when to hang up the pillowcase...
Oct 27th
Oct 27th
“Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious...”
— Conan O’Brien
Oct 27th
Oct 27th
“Laughter, orgasms, and ice-cream are the best guarantees of...”
— Crouton Boy
Oct 27th
Oct 27th
“I stopped reading music magazines in 2001 when I...”
— Dooce
Oct 27th
Oct 27th
nevver: Karen Ann Myers
Oct 27th
(via mediumtedium)
Oct 27th
Oct 27th

Never hit a person with glasses. Hit...

Oct 27th
Oct 27th
Listen Listen
Mark Knopfler - True Love Will Never Fade
Oct 27th
Oct 26th
“Information is not knowledge.”
— Frank Zappa
Oct 26th
Oct 26th
thedailywhat: Pearls Before Swine.
Oct 26th
(via drgs)
Oct 26th
Oct 26th
“Try to keep smiling. Get a little rock and roll on the...”
— Stephen King (from...
Oct 26th
Oct 26th
Listen Listen
Van Halen - Right Now
Oct 26th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th

Bigots all look alike...

Oct 25th
regardless: (via ineedaname)
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
I went to the doctor. I said to him “I’m frightened of lapels.” He said,...
Oct 25th
1) I forgot what I was searching for? 2) My search is...
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
“What I want to know is this: how long until my smug cell...”
— Zaz (Fark)
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
loudandsoft: (via scarymansion)
Oct 25th
anattemptatdecency: I’ve been sleeping so strange at night Side effects they don’t advertise I’ve...
Oct 25th
(via lovegifs) Boney Maronie?
Oct 25th
Oct 25th

Reality can be beaten with enough...

Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of...”
— Steven Wright
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Oct 25th

Anal Junkies On Crack, Story At 11...

Oct 25th
Oct 25th
“How embarrassing to be human.”
— Kurt Vonnegut
Oct 25th
Oct 25th
Listen Listen
Rod Stewart - If You Don’t Know Me By Now
Oct 25th
mudwerks: Hawtness - The Women of WTF
Oct 25th
Oct 25th

Vampire Joke

I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was...
Oct 25th
Oct 24th

First Law of Window Cleaning: It's on...

Oct 24th
Oct 24th

Probability is 100% chance...

Oct 24th
Oct 24th
Listen Listen
fuckyeah1980s: Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again
Oct 24th
killerwhales: (via kidskidskids)
Oct 24th
“‘Why do you smoke so damn fast?’ I asked. She looked at me...”
— -John Green-Looking for Alaska...
Oct 24th
Oct 24th
Oct 24th
Oct 24th
Oct 24th

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Oct 24th
Oct 24th
“Never feel guilty about having warm human feelings toward...”
— Ben Cartwright (Bonanza)
Oct 24th
Oct 24th
Listen Listen
BDJ - Back In The US-SR (Great mashup of Beatles & Chuck Berry)
Oct 24th
Oct 24th
“Ever stop to think and forget to start again?”
— A.A. Milne
Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd

Pepper Spray Sex

Two black fella’s are at a bar talking. One says to the other, “You ever noticed after...
Oct 23rd
mudwerks: Soupy Sales, Comedian, Dies at 83 |...
Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd

Women like to spoon in bed; men just...

Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd
Listen Listen
Beachboys - Heroes And Villians
Oct 23rd
chispa: athymia: (via irofic) sad but true…
Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd

A self-addressed envelope would be...

Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd

I don't think drugs should be legal; I...

Oct 23rd
Oct 23rd

I like angles, but only to a certain...

Oct 23rd
Oct 22nd
Listen Listen
loudandsoft: sundaymorning: Led Zeppelin - Going to California
Oct 22nd
Cat-a-pault?
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd

BABYLON 5

Vir: Ah! He has become one with his inner self!
Garibaldi: He's passed out.
Vir: That too.
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
“The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body...”
— David Richerby
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Listen Listen
dethjunkie: Grateful Dead - Ripple
Oct 22nd
robertschofield: By Daniel Park Fight cavities!
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd

It's all fun and games until somebody...

Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd

Fact: When you have an orgasm you lose...

Oct 22nd
Oct 22nd
Listen Listen
Monsters Of Folk - Man Named Truth
Oct 22nd
Oct 21st
“I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking...”
— Terry Pratchett
Oct 21st
Oct 21st
Oct 21st
Oct 21st
Puffies!! Nice!!
Oct 21st
Oct 21st

The trouble with life is there's no...

Oct 21st
Oct 21st

The day Microsoft makes something that...

Oct 21st
Oct 21st
“Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright,...”
— Benny Hill
Oct 21st
Oct 21st
Listen Listen
Rolling Stones - Live With Me
Oct 21st
Oct 21st
“To believe the world is only as you think, is stupid.”
— Carlos Castandeda
Oct 21st
Assassins love tumblr tees…
Oct 21st

Are Those Creepy Dashboard T-Shirt Men...

2:15 P.M.  Lineup for Witnesses William W. Scoggins and William Whaley “I refuse to answer...
Oct 21st
Greatest actor alive?
Oct 20th

The first inter-racial kiss on TV was in...

Oct 20th
Titty Tuesday Twofer…
Oct 20th
It Tis’ Titty Tuesday…
Oct 20th

The most common name in the world is...

Oct 20th
Oct 20th
Oct 20th
I need a glass of milk…
Oct 20th

Working On A Sex Farm

Working on a sex farm Trying to raise some hard love Getting out my pitch fork And poking your hay...
Oct 20th
Oct 20th
“Dull and sullen, much subdued, my skull a stony glaze...”
— Keith Reid/Procol Harum (All...
Oct 20th
(via gchrisg) You can even clean the floor with this good...
Oct 20th
Oct 20th
Oct 20th

People who have been blind from birth...

Oct 20th
Oct 20th
Listen Listen
George Harrison - It Don’t Come Easy
Oct 20th
Oct 20th
Oct 20th

King Kong was Adolf Hitler's favorite...

Oct 20th
Oct 20th

There are more than 10 million bricks in...

Oct 20th
Oct 19th

Sex Terms #1

Baby Rodeo (see also “Butt Rodeo” and “Rodeo Sex”): When riding your partner...
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Oct 19th

The Amazon rainforest produces more than...

Oct 19th
Oct 19th

The Sanskrit word for "war" means...

Oct 19th
Oct 19th

A coward was originally a boy who took...

Oct 19th
Oct 19th
Listen Listen
Spooky Tooth - Waitin’ For The Wind (live)
Oct 19th
Oct 18th

A lead pencil is good for about 50,000...

Oct 18th
Oct 18th
Listen Listen
Led Zeppelin - Your Time Is Gonna Come
Oct 18th
Best Food: Chocolate Chip Cookies…
Oct 18th

Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan,...

Oct 18th
Oct 17th

96% of people put the peanut butter on...

Oct 17th
Oct 17th
Listen Listen
Supertramp - It’s Raining Again
Oct 17th
I miss my daughter…
Oct 17th

There's An Ad On My Dashboard

Who are these retards hawking t-shirts on my tumblr. dashboard? If I buy one will it go away or do I...
Oct 17th
bigfun: … My red light is always on…
Oct 17th
Oct 17th
“I have an existential map; it has ‘you are here’...”
— Steven Wright
Oct 17th
Oct 16th

The name of the dog on the Cracker Jack...

Oct 16th
Pillhead takes another pill…
Oct 16th

Joke #44

Two gay men are beach walking, holding hands when a beautiful Woman passes them. She’s...
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
“An intellectual is someone who has found something more...”
— Edgar Wallace
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
“During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.”
— Richard Lewis
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
“Being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being...”
— Samuel Johnson
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
That’s OK sweetheart at least you swallowed it...
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
Oct 16th

UPS never fails to show up at nap...

Oct 16th
Wasp cookie?
Oct 16th
“I object to raisins in cookies. They are just masquerading...”
— BiketoWork Barb
Oct 16th
seanorr: sonofgod: (via itsthe90s) Krystal Bethany
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
“Infinite growth of material consumption in a finite world is...”
— E. F. Schumacher
Oct 16th
Oct 16th

Cleveland spelled backwards is "DNA...

Oct 16th
Her cup runneth over…
Oct 16th

85% of women wear the wrong bra size...

Oct 16th
Oct 16th
Listen Listen
Pete Best Band - Red Light
Oct 16th
Oct 16th
“Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean...”
— Ross MacDonald
Oct 16th
Oct 15th
“Opie, you haven’t finished your milk. We can’t...”
— From The Andy Griffith Show
Oct 15th
Oct 15th

Dr. Jekyll's first name is Henry...

Oct 15th
Oct 15th

John & Cindy McCain must live in...

In Arizona it is illegal to have more than two dildos in one house.
Oct 15th
Oct 15th

If a girl is going to give you great...

completelynormal: (via goodbyesounds) THIS.
Oct 15th
completelynormal: You’re not stoned right now, are...
Oct 15th
Oct 15th

My ringtone is the sound of a phone...

Oct 15th
Oct 15th